To bathe or not to bathe?

To bathe or not to bathe- that is the question. Tis it better to look the babe over or suffer the misfortune of a missed medical problem?

We’ve gone both ways on this one. On our first gotcha day, we took our daughter upstairs to our room where I insisted (being a cautious doctor) we undress her immediately and plop her in the tub to wash off anything that might be clinging or living on her from the orphanage. She screamed and clung to a rubber ducky for dear life; then my wife dressed her in the adorable pink outfit she brought from home for this momentous day. This was definitely not what our China guide recommended and was quite traumatic for the poor little thing. So we did the opposite a month ago with our newly adopted 17 month old. We took her upstairs and gently peaked under whatever clothes we could lift up. We let her stay in her orphanage clothes for a few hours while we played. Bathing was with a sponge like in the orphanage with a viewing session of her sister taking a tub for ten days before we put her in the tub with 1 inch of water. She is now officially a fish! Warning they are often scared of running water so fill the tub while they are in the other room.

 What I think this illustrates is what I call “Oh my God I’ve been taken by Martians” experience of “Gotcha” day. If you think about it these little kids have been uprooted from everything they are familiar with and given to people who look, smell, sound, act and even eat funny. They are rightfully terrified, and although the older child may be able to intellectually understand it the emotions of loss, fear and anxiety still remain.

The best way to weather this transition for them and you is let them keep as much of the things that provide them comfort as possible. This will require a great amount of flexibility on your part. The transition will go much easier if you don’t get rigid except on absolute safety issue. They don’t need to be little American kids right away--it will come.

Another example: lets face it by the end of two weeks most of us are dying for American food – or the Chinese version of the same. Some adoptive parents may feel quite stressed and challenged by the dining options in China and might prefer KFC, MickeyD's and Pizza Hut over searching for Chinese restaurants with picture menus with English. But realize, your child has never eaten a fry or a chicken nugget and may be very uncomfortable with both the taste and texture of those foods. This only increase the stress on both the child and the parents creating more conflict and emotional turmoil in the midst of perhaps the most major transition in both the parents and childs life. Let them eat Dumplings! My newest daughter would only eat dumplings for 5 days- she started to smell like a dumpling but it was much easier letting her eat them than fighting over something that in the long run will not make a difference. Save your energy for battles that really count: like when they are teenagers!