No Exit...or, the medical exam

One of the keys to being able to provide emotional support for you child while bonding is being rested and controlled yourself-- the medical exam given in Guangzhou will test that to the limits! On our first adoption trip, my wife missed out on the experience of taking our daughter to the medical exam. I was happy to pass that duty off to her on this trip since one of us had to watch our older daughter and our guide recommended as few people as possible go to the clinic (ha, dodged that bullet!).  Expect to sit in a hot room with up to 70 crying babies and their impatient exhausted American parents for 3-5 hours! It will seem like nothing is happening, and you will never get closer to getting through the line but you will get out before dark!

While at the clinic, you have to first stop at three stations: your child must be weighed and measured at station 1; you see the ENT at station 2; and the doctor for the medical check at stop 3. Now, if your child is Special Needs, the doctor will ask for the medical report. We did not know this and hadn't brought it. So before you leave for China, print off your child's referral including any medical information and pack it with the rest of your important paperwork. Fortunately our guide smoothed things over with the doctor for my wife and baby, and our baby didn't have a very complicated special need (the short arm and missing thumb are, after all, pretty obvious).


After the three stations, things get really fun for those of you who are Hague families, under the I-800 immigration. Your kids need to get shots. It could be a lot of shots. And children over age two need a TB skin test, and you'll need to return to the clinic in a couple of days to have the test read. 

You should be getting the idea here that this clinic visit is long, unpleasant and painful.

While at the exam, a friend of mine saw an excellent example of a parent who was not prepared and then wasn’t able to care for her child when needed. After a several hour wait, sweating in the hot un-air conditioned waiting room with a toddler who became grumpier once lunchtime came and passed, the mom who was also feeling frazzled and irritated.  After the exam the child needed 7 (yes 7- it wasn’t a typo) shots and was crying in exhaustion and pain. The mother, herself exhausted, told the child she was just too hot to hold him and that he would need to walk back to the hotel because she was too hot! Not a good bonding moment.


In thinking about this unfortunate situation several simple things came to mind.

1) Bring food, water, a bottle for a baby, and toys for the child. Bring water and snacks for yourself. Bring a stroller.

2) Have a time when your spouse will come to the clinic to help out if you haven’t returned to the hotel.

3) Give the baby Tylenol or children’s Advil before you go to the appointment and take some with you in case it wears off before the shots.

4) Know what to expect -and if you aren’t a patient parent or don’t handle stress well let your partner take them.

5) If you both don’t handle things well, take turns waiting. This principle is one every couple with kids learns early on. With the first child, both parents try to stay up in the middle of the night to support each other and comfort the sick child. By the time child number two comes along that commitment to emotional support vs survival has changed to the much more practical one of taking shifts tending to baby, with a much more rested couple ready to deal with the day shift which comes hard on the heals of the night shift! My wife denies we ever did this - something about me being away at the Hospital whenever one of the kids was sick!

6) Be realistic- this is China not America. The staff doesn't have to work efficiently and in a timely manner like we have learned to expect in America- and this from a Doctor who is always running behind. If I had to see 70 kids in a day I would be exhausted and working slowly. Try to control your uber-entitled American attitude when you're tired and waiting for the day to be over. It's part of the process and the only way you are going to bring your child into the US. As my wife's Grammie used to say, "Be a brave soldier."