Should I bring my two year old to China?

I was recently asked this by a young mom in Church. She was agonizing over whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of bringing a two year old to China, or by opposing, leave her at home in the capable hands of Grandma. One the one hand, leaving the two year old at home allows Mom and Dad to focus exclusively on that critical and difficult bonding with the newly adopted baby, a time that can be challenging. On the other hand, the 2 year old will miss this transition, will miss Mom and Dad and to add insult to injury they come home with a new baby that sucks up all the attention that used to be focused on them.

The background of this discussion stems from recent discussion of this by families on the forums and most -even those who took 2 year olds - agreed that it is better to leave them at home. Rather than take their word for it I asked my China connection who has shepherded 1,000's of family in China through the adoption process for the last 10 years. She suggests that unless the child is a very good traveler and easy going they should be left at home to stay in the same consistent routine with Grandparents until Mom and Dad come home.

A two year old would enjoy a trip to Disneyworld, but in a year would probably not remember anything of meeting Mickey Mouse. A two year old would not remember the cultural experiences of a trip to China. On our trip to China for China 2, we did bring China 1, who was 4.75 years old. Frankly we didn't have anyone to leave her with and a four year old has a level of independence that a two year old does not.

Let's picture this: You are on a bus traveling to the civil affairs office on the other side of the city. Two year old starts to pitch a fit because she wants a toy she left at the hotel. Mom tries but can't console her. Two year old thrashes so much in her fit that she falls to the floor of the bus, because there are no carseats and no seat belts (this is China after all), and bumps her head, and wails even louder. Mom is holding the new adopted baby, who is crying because she wants a bottle, but tries to console Two Year Old. Dad tries to take Baby, but she screams bloody murder if he looks at her and Two Year Old wants nothing to do with him and hits him. Mom tries to mix baby's bottle but it leaks and spills all over her. she gets annoyed with Dad for not being helpful. the screaming gets louder. Dad wishes he had his iPod.

Factors to consider if you bring another young child with you to China:

Does he/she tolerate change?
Does he/she meltdown if on a different schedule? 
Does she need regular naps and bedtimes?
Is he/she a picky eater?

There is just too much to deal with jet lag going both ways, the new child needing  uninterrupted intense bonding time from Mom and Dad, and a toddler who also needs attention. It becomes unfair to the 2 year old who has his/her own exhaustion/emotional issues to consider. Being at home in a consistent routine in a supportive environment will help him better weather the time away from Mom and Dad as well as the transition of the new baby into the home-and all without jet lag. And Mom and Dad can give all their energies to focusing on their new child, a child who will grieve the loss of her familiar environment, who may be anxious, who may act out aggressively, who may have sleep or eating issues. It's a hard enough trip for adults without the added stress of another very young child. So there's my expert opinion.