Adopting an older child

Let's be clear - adopting an older child IS harder than adopting a younger child! I recently asked someone who has led adoption groups for years about what one thing do they see that is making the trips more difficult for parents and their response was they are seeing young parents who are unprepared either mentally or emotionally for the challenges that are involved with adopting the older child. Parents often have unrealistic expectations about what things will be like and aren't flexible when the situation turns out different than expected. And perhaps social workers aren't preparing families adequately either. The face of adoption has changed in the last three years. When we were at the White Swan in Dec. of 2009 getting China 2, we saw more boys, more older kids, and more special needs kids than we did back in 2006.

You are not getting an easier situation despite not having to change diapers and give bottles. They are more mature and thus more mental in their outlook so you will need to deal not only with the emotions but the more mature acting out. In addition they have learned ways to survive in the orphanage that will take time to unlearn. Problems such as: overeating when food is abundant, hoarding food, being physically aggressive, lying, not following rules, etc are all common.  Difficulties in transition and attachment disorders increase as the child is older at adoption. In addition, although the child wants a forever Mommy and Daddy, the reality of living in a different home doesn't always match his or her dreams. All that being said, most children do well and form strong lasting bonds but do not fool yourself that it will be somehow easier.